This Feeling Just Won't Go Away
by someobscurereference
Summary: Stiles takes a bullet for Derek while on a date and ends up dying. Derek now has to deal with losing Stiles.
1. Before

**I thought it would be interesting to tell this story from multiple points of view, so the first two chapters are from Stiles' POV, chapters 3 and 4 are from Derek's POV and the epilogue is in third person. Enjoy!**

It was supposed to be a date. It was supposed to be a nice little get together in the woods. All of our dates were in the woods, so we could hide the fact that we were dating. I was fine with the rest of them knowing, but Derek was always a little touchy about it. All of the Hales are weird like that. They all seem so lonely. Maybe that's why Derek wanted to hide us, so he can protect his reputation as a loner, bad boy, sourwolf. I doubt that's it though.

Anyway, we were walking through the woods, just going about our business, when an arrow whizzed past our heads.

"Oh my god!" I yelled involuntarily. Derek dropped my hand to see where the arrow had come from.

"Hunters," Derek said, a serious tone in his voice. He got that look on his face he always gets when he think I'm in danger. A mix of an unamused scowl and a look of rage in his eyes.

"No duh," I replied and was about to add more sarcasm but Derek put a hand over my mouth and pulled me closer to him so the both of us could hide behind a tree.

He was behind me, so he leaned his head forward a little to display a finger in front of his lips. He then removed his hand from my mouth and pointed to a group of threatening-looking people with crossbows and assault rifles. What scared me the most though, was that it wasn't our usual gang of assault rifle carrying nutjobs.

"They aren't Argents," Derek whispers in my ear. "I've never seen any of them before,"

I gulped, suddenly realizing just how serious this was.

"Derek, if they're new, how do they know where you are, or even what you are?" I asked quietly.

"Shh..." Derek shushes me as they come closer.

"That Argent guy said that there would be two, an Alpha and a Beta." one of the hunters said to another.

"Well where did they go? I swear I hit one of em'" the other hunter said.

I felt Derek tense behind me. "What? What's wrong?" I said softly, turning slightly towards Derek.

He looked like he was about to be sick. "They think you're the Beta."

"You mean..."

"They think you're a werewolf."

I swallowed hard again, now scared out of my wits.

"Isn't it against the code for them to shoot humans?"

Derek nods behind me.

"And the chances of them believing me if I tell them I'm not your Beta are pretty slim, right?" I whisper, my voice cracking as I speak.

I feel him nod again. I find myself receding farther into Derek's chest. I always hated playing the helpless one, but I didn't really know what else to do.

The hunters are now walking farther away from us, still searching the area.

"Should we run for it?" I whisper.

"Aw, look how cute this is." A loud voice says from behind us. We turn to find a man with an assault rifle and five men behind him carrying a variation of crossbows, rifles, and pistols. They're all armed to the teeth and it occurs to me that this may seem like a bit much for two wolves. "The Alpha trying to protect his precious Beta,"

Derek and my eyes connect for a split second before he's pushing me forward and were both running as fast as we can. I can hear the hunters right behind us and every once and a while I glance back to make sure Derek is still okay. I'm sure he can hear my heart pounding inside my chest so fast it's staring to worry me. But I can't focus on that now. Man, why can't I date someone who doesn't have a team of psycho killers after him all the time?

The other group of hunters appear before me and suddenly were surrounded and suddenly I can't see Derek anymore and suddenly I'm so scared that my fear is actually subsiding and it's all happening too fast, way too fast, and my heart..my heart won't calm down, won't stop beating beating beating. Stop. A shot is fired and my life is in slow motion. Derek's right beside me, a bullet flying towards him as I jump, lean, fly, fall. Fall into dirty leaves on the ground as a bullet rips through my chest. I don't even have time to scream.


	2. During Part I

I hear Derek yell my name and I can feel his presence beside me and a circle of hunters around me but everything is fuzzy.

"He's not a wolf you idiots!" he screams at the top of his lungs.

Then the hunters aren't there anymore and I'm in Derek's arms, no, I'm in Derek's car, no, I'm in the hospital watching a bunch of lights pass above my head, no, I'm in a hospital room where a doctor is telling my dad I might not survive the night, no. My eyes are closed but I can picture it: Scott is sitting in a chair to my right, my dad is to my left holding my hand, Scott's mom is holding a chart at the foot of my bed and Allison and Lydia are in the corner weeping. Derek's not here. He's never here. It's nice that Lydia came though.

Now Allison is pulling Lydia out of the room. As they leave someone else enters. A doctor, I'm presuming. In the doctor's wake is Derek. Before he can get too close to me though, Scott is pulling him out in the hallway. Probably to ask him what happened.

The doctor is telling my dad, "You're son is currently in a coma. The bullet really tore some major arteries. I would recommend saying your final goodbyes."

The doctor is gone and so is Scott's mom and it's just my dad and I and he's saying how proud he's always been of me. How he was glad I was still around after my mom died. How he thought he'd never have to sit in another hospital room to watch his loved ones die ever again and yet, here he was, listening to a doctor tell him his son wasn't going to survive the night. I can feel his hand squeezing mine and shaking ever so slightly.

Then he stands, and says, "I know that having a werewolf for a best friend can be a little stressful, but I just wish you had told me you had a werewolf for a boyfriend." If I were awake I'd be gasping. "You saved his life, Stiles." Then he kisses me on the forehead.

Now my dad is gone and Scott is back, saying a lot of the same things my dad said. How he was so lucky to have me for a best friend, and how he's gonna find whoever did this to me. I wish he wouldn't. I'd rather not have someone avenge me, my death is cliche enough as it is. He's hugging me softly, as not to hurt me, and walking out the door.

Derek's in the room now. Just him. He's pulling a wooden chair up to the left side of my bed. Scott's mom enters the room and tells him he can stay with me. I'm guessing he told them about us.

What must be hours pass and Derek is beginning to fall asleep in my lap. His right hand is tracing lines on my bare chest and his left hand is on my right one. I think he's crying. I wish I could tell him it's not his fault. That he would've done the same for me. Shit, I wish I could tell him anything. I wish I could see him one last time before...

Hey, my eyes opened. Holy shit I'm actually awake. Oh my god.

I cough and sputter and gasp a bit and Derek's head pops off my lap. "Stiles!" he says, obviously surprised and begins to reach for the nurses alarm.

I grab his arm to stop him but immediately regret it. Any movement sends shots of pain through my entire body.

"May I?" he asks, motioning towards my chest. I nod and he puts a hand on my heart. We both watch as dark fluid fills his veins. I feel the pain in my chest subsiding. Sometimes I just love crazy werewolf healing powers.

"You know, when you said I needed you to survive I doubt you thought you needed me," I say, playing at accusatory.

Derek watches my every move, every facial expression, as he has since the first time I met him.

"Who knew I'd end up saving your life several times," I continue.

"I didn't think you'd end up paying with yours though," Derek say softly, now staring at bullet wound in my chest.

I shrug slightly, "It was bound to happen one of these days,"

Derek chuckles. "I never understood how you can be so calm during situations like these that you can come up with witty jokes and sarcastic comments,"

"I'm the comic relief. You'd all die of seriousness without me." I smile slightly at him.

Then both our smiles fade with the realization that our motley crew of shapeshifters would not have me very very soon.

"Stiles..." Derek begins as tears well up in his eyes. He looks so incredibly vulnerable. I don't think I've ever seen him like this before.

I reach out and grab his hand and he begins to cry. "C'mere," I whisper and he puts his head on my chest, farthest away from my patched up wound.

"Now you're supposed to be comforting me, I'm only about to die, jeez." I say when he seems like he's close to being done crying.

Derek smiles through his tears as he sits back into his chair, "You've never needed comforting, Stiles."

I smile at how ridiculous this all is. I literally took a bullet for a scary sourwolf that I fell in love with and now I'm dying in a hospital bed and he's the one bawling his eyes out.

Suddenly there's a pain in my heart. I only wince but I really wanna scream and Derek begins to panic. My eyesight begins to go a little fuzzy.

"Stiles," Derek squeezes my hand.

"I can feel myself dying, Derek. It's such a scary feeling,"

I wish I could say more but I've already lost the energy. I'm suddenly very tired...so I close my eyes...and sleep.


	3. During Part II

**So this chapter and the next one are told from Derek's point of view. I found it surprisingly hard to write as him (I eventually got into the swing of it) but towards the beginning it's a little choppy and weird. Sorry.**

Stiles was shot. And those bastards shot him. Him. I am filled with such a feeling of rage I don't even know what happens next. I remember telling them all that he wasn't a wolf and them running with their tails between their legs, but that's about it.

I lean down to him. There's blood EVERYWHERE. He's fading in and out of conciousness. I know I've got to get him to a hospital right now. I don't care what I have to tell them.

I pick him up and I can tell he's shivering slightly. Must be the blood loss. I hold him closer. Maybe that will warm him up. I carefully lay him in the backseat then I get in the car and my hands are shaking so hard I can barely get the key in the ignition. The drive to the hospital whizzes by and I wait around long enough to make sure Stiles is okay. Scott's mom is telling me what room he's being taken to and asking me what happened but I can't even think. I still have so much adrenaline in my system and I can barely stand still.

I need to get out of here. It's too sterilized and bright. What just happened was the opposite. I run out of the hospital, get in my car, and again my hands are shaking too hard to do anything. So instead of leaving I sit in my car and calm myself down.

He took a bullet for me. He seriously just took a bullet for me. Literally. And now, he might be dead. Aren't I supposed to be protecting him? Breathe, Derek, breathe. I let my head roll back into the leather headrest of my seat as I breathe as deeply as possible. When I finally relax, I cross my arms over my steering wheel and put my head in them. I can't believe that just happened. That scrawny little kid saved my life. That scrawny little kid...that happens to be my boyfriend. That scrawny little kid...that I'm in love with.

I sigh especially loud now. Are these tears in my eyes? Oh god.

I see Stiles' dad. Shit, he's sprinting into the hospital. With Scott, Allison, and Lydia on his tail. I should go in soon. I wish there weren't so many people in that damned hospital. Then maybe I could hear what the doctors were telling them from out here.

I get out of my car and slowly make my way into the hospital, past the front desk, then up the elevator to Stiles' room. On my way down the hall I see Allison pulling a sobbing Lydia away from the room.

A doctor is entering the room just as I'm getting there so I just slip in behind him. You could cut the tension in that room with a knife. I can't look up. I know Stiles is right in front of me, but I can't look at him. I let my eyes wander up a little to the side of Stiles' bed. That doctor is right in front of me now so I really can't see him. Instead I see Scott. Scott's eyes meet mine and he quickly gets out of his chair and pulls me into the hallway.

"What the hell happened?" Scott stage whispers.

"There's a new group of hunters, Scott," I say seriously.

Scott looks around to see if anyone is in earshot, "What? Who?" He's stage whispering again.

Usually I can tolerate his idiotic melodramatic approach to things, but right now I'm just not in the mood.

"Scott. Stiles and I were in the woods. A group of hunters that I had NEVER seen before shot at me, and Stiles took the bullet."

"Why the hell would he do that?!" Scott exclaims.

I look away and breathe through my nose. I knew we'd eventually have to tell them. It's just a little difficult...

"Derek!" Scott says, snapping my attention back to him. "What were you and Stiles doing in the woods?"

"We were on a date! Okay?" I shout, finally giving in.

"Oh." Scott says faintly, clearly taken aback by my statement

"Now get back in there, I'm sure you want to say goodbye" I say softly.

Scott just nods. I can't really tell if he's shocked because he's mildly disgusted or if he's shocked because he didn't know or what, but he's still got a weird look on his face when he walks back in the room.

Stiles' dad exits into the hallway just as Scott leaves. He looks at me and smiles, "I hope you appreciated him."

I sink down and sit on the floor with my knees to my chest as he continues to walk down the hall. Stiles' dad knew this whole time, didn't he?

I just sit there, kind of stupefied, and wait for Scott to finish with Stiles.

Scott finally comes out and he stops in front of me. "He's all yours!" he says, putting a hand out to help me up.

"Thanks," I reply.

Walking into his room this time is completely different. This time I'm ready.

I see him there, his bed tilted so he's in a sitting position, and he looks so damn peaceful. His chest is bare except for a wad of bled-through gauze taped to the right side of his chest. His head has turned to the left side and his mouth is open ever so slightly.

I sit down in a creaky wooden chair next to Stiles. I hear the door slide open behind me.

"Scott told me about you two," Scott's mom says, standing behind me. "You're welcome to stay here as long as you like." She reaches out to touch my shoulder but begins to think that that might not be a good idea half way through, so her fingers just graze me.

I can tell she's unsure of what to do, but I'm in the same position. All the previous adrenaline I had has left my body and I'm feeling empty and exhausted. Finally she decided to just leave and I feel like I should really say something.

"Mrs. McCall," I call to her as she's in the doorway. I turn around in my chair to face her. "Thank you,"

She nods and leaves me alone with my thoughts and the body of my boyfriend.

I pull the collar of my leather jacket up further on my neck, trying to hide myself in it. I wish I was anyone else right now. I wish I didn't love this kid as much as I do, but I'm in deep now and there's no going back.

The heart monitor attached to Stiles' finger beeps out his faint little heartbeat but I can already hear it pounding out it's same old tune in my head. I've never heard a heartbeat sound so tired. Suddenly I realize that Stiles is dying. In fact, he'll be dead quite soon. And that's when the tears come. They start slow but soon I'm falling over Stiles' lap and sobbing uncontrollably. At first I'm almost embarrased to be sobbing so hard over someone, but then I let go. I let go of all the lonely years after the fire. I let go of being a shut-in after high school. I just focus on him. Another thing in my life that dies after a while. But the first thing in my life to actually make me generally happy.

After a little while I stop sobbing and simply lay in his lap, staring at his barely moving chest. The blood from the wound had gotten everywhere, and there were still traces of it on his chest. So I spent the next while tracing the lines of dried blood. Gross, in retrospect, but I wasn't thinking about that at the time. Without thinking, my hand that wasn't preoccupied with tracing blood stains landed on top of Stiles'.

I'm beginning to fall asleep. I try so desperately to keep myself awake but it occurs to me that I don't know what I'm staying up for. Am I waiting for him to die? What the hell am I doing?

Then I hear a cough and see Stiles' chest move and I'm up, practically standing at the sight of Stiles' eyes opening.

"Stiles!" I think I might be asleep. This may very well be a dream.

I reach for the nurse's alarm despite my doubt that this is reality but Stiles' reaches out and blocks me. I can see him wince even though he's trying to cover it.

He looks so...weak. I can't stand to see him like this.

"May I?" I ask, moving to touch his chest.

He nods and I put my hand on his heart. Dark fluid pours through my veins and Stiles' sighs slightly. "Better?" He nods again.

"You know," he begins, sitting up a little, "When you said I needed you to survive I doubt you thought you needed me,"

I don't even know what to say. I want to tell him that I only told him that because I wanted him to stay in my life. But I'm too busy studying his face, taking it all in one last time.

"Who knew I'd end up saving your life several times," he continues.

"I didn't think you'd end up paying with yours though," I say, my eyes wandering to the bloody gauze on his chest.

"It was bound to happen one of these days," he says, shrugging his shoulders ever so slightly.

I can't help but chuckle. "I never understood how you can be so calm during situations like these that you can come up with witty jokes and sarcastic comments,"

"I'm the comic relief." he says simply. "You'd all die of seriousness without me."

We both smile little smiles but they fade quickly. We both realize that our pack will be without him very soon.

"Stiles..." I start. I can feel tears welling up again. I can't help it.

He reaches out and grabs my hand and I let him pull me closer. "C'mere," he whispers.

I just want to be close to him. I just want to see his smile. I just want to be the one lying in this hospital bed instead of him. Why did he have to go and jump in front of that bullet? Why couldn't he have let me die? I just...I just want to die. Why couldn't have been me and not him?

I let myself sob a little into his bare chest. He's so incredibly calm, but in a tired sort of way.

"Now you're supposed to be comforting me, I'm only about to die, jeez," he says as I begin to feel I've cried myself out.

I smile and sit back in my chair. "You've never needed comforting Stiles."

He smiles that cute little half smile he gets when he's proud of himself. But I can see that his golden eyes are fading.

All the sudden, Stiles is wincing but I can tell he's screaming on the inside. He's about to die. Oh my god...he's gonna die right now. I-I'm not ready.

"Stiles," I squeeze his hand.

"I can feel myself dying, Derek. It's such a scary feeling," he practically whispers, his voice is so soft.

Then, his eyes lull closed and the heart monitor behind me rings out with a loud and final beep.


	4. After

The ringing in my ears won't stop. Even after Ms. McCall has pulled me out of the room and I've left the hospital, I can still hear the ring of the heart monitor in my head. I race home. All I want is to shut myself up in my room and sleep till the end of time but I know I can't. So instead I strip down to my undershirt and boxers, and begin to crawl into bed when something catches my eye. Something red. It's Stiles' red hoodie that he left here a couple days ago. I meant to give it to him tonight...

I grab the sweatshirt and hold it in my hands for a few moments before burying my head in it. It still smells like him. I pull the sweatshirt over my head. Perfect fit. Of course. I crawl back into bed and try to bury myself down under my blankets. It's not exactly easy with the thin ones I have. So I throw the hood over my head instead.

I want to disappear. I want to have died in that fire along with the rest of my family. I want to fall asleep and never wake up. But I do wake up. The sun peeps through my blinds and reminds me that I've got to keep going. I've got to keep protecting Scott, because without Stiles he won't make it very far.

+ + +

"Derek!" Scott says as I appear in his room. "What are you doing here?"

"I wanted to see how you were doing," I reply as calmly as possible.

"Well I've been better," Scott sighs, sitting on his bed.

"I didn't mean for this to happen. I didn't mean for any of this to happen," I say, almost trying to reassure myself instead of Scott.

Scott sighs again. "I know. But you two made a good couple. A lot of chemistry between the two of you. I just thought it was kind of a bromance thing, not..."

"A romance?" I finish. He nods and I sigh through my nose.

"I just...can't believe he's gone. I keep waiting for a text from him or for him to sneak through my window. I just...I just don't know what life is gonna be like without him," Scott says.

"You're just going through denial. The same thing happened to me when the fire happened."

We sit/stand together for a moment or two not saying much of anything but saying so much with our silence. I can tell he's not upset that I was dating his best friend behind his back. He can tell I'm more than a little broken up about the loss of my boyfriend. I almost think that even without our weird werewolf senses we could tell what the other was thinking just because it's so fucking obvious.

"The funeral is this Saturday at ten." Scott says finally. "Are you coming?"

"I don't know," I don't know if I can handle it, more like. Last time I went to a funeral I had everyone up my ass telling me how sorry they were. Sorry for what? It's not like they did anything. I definitely don't want to do that ever again.

"I should go," I tell Scott, "Tell your mom I say hello when you see her."

Who knows why I said that. I just like Scott's mom. She's always been very nice to me despite the fact that she thought I was a murderer for a while there. And Stiles absolutely adored her.

+ + +

Saturday comes only two days later and I'm beginning to get over myself. Aw, who am I kidding. I'm a fucking wreck. I'm learning to cope though.

I walk through the woods towards the cemetery. I can practically walk this route in my sleep. One time I did. I guess I just like cemeteries.

I stand at the outskirts of the cemetery and watch everyone come in for the funeral. I smile at just how many people show up.

It isn't very cold out, but a chill grips me. It's very sudden, and it passes as quickly as it came. Probably just my mind playing tricks on me.

From where I am I can hear the service going on, but without having to hear the quiet sobs from the girls and see the tears run down the sheriff's face. I wanted to be there for the funeral, it's only right, but I just couldn't face all of them. Especially Stiles' dad. I feel so bad for Stiles' dad. He's such a nice man, he doesn't deserve something like this to happen to him.

It must have been hard after his wife died, but Stiles was still there for him. Now he has no one. Like me. My pack left and the only person who I ever really cared about died.

I was wallowing in some more self-pity when I heard it. A soft, whisper of a word right behind my ear.

"Derek"

I turn around quickly to see if someone's there, but all I see is a lot of unused cemetery. It must've been my imagination. Or so I think before I hear it again.

"Derek"

I search all around me for a source but nothing's there. I brush it off. I am really losing it now. Because...for a second there...that sounded like Stiles' voice.

I see that the funeral is coming to an end so I decide to head back home. As I'm walking, that same chill grips me again. It brushes up against my side then tingles across my hand.

+ + +

Okay. I am seriously losing my mind. No. That's not the right wording. I have lost my mind. It's a week after the funeral and I'm hearing voices again. I'm walking through the woods when it first happens.

"Derek"

I've had it. I can't take it anymore. It's bad enough that this week has been absolute torture. Who knew it would be harder to sleep without that kid snuggling his way into my chest? To make things worse, his sweatshirt stopped smelling like him yesterday.

I begin to sprint through the woods, wind blowing through my ears, freaking me out yet again.

"...stop running..."

It comes out garbled but I can make out the words. I stop dead in my tracks.

"Who's there?!" I scream at the top of my lungs, my eyes turning red and my fangs/claws growing.

I pant and wait for a response.

"...enough...Alpha...crap..."

I gasp. Only one person would ever say that to me. "Stiles?"

That mysterious chill returns, this time wrapping itself around me, consuming me and overwhelming me.

"Who else?" a whisper behind me.

"H-how?" I stutter.

"...heightened senses..."

That's right. I had once heard somewhere that since lycanthropy heightens the senses it allows you to hear spirits. But only if they contact you.

"Why?" I say softly. A flick of something passes the corner of my eye. A whisp of something in front of me. Then, right before my eyes an apparition appears. An apparition appears wearing a dark blue, maroon, and gray hoodie and light blue jeans. An apparition appears with a shaved head and caramel brown eyes.

I can't help the small tears in my eyes.

As I stare, I can see through him slightly, and if I look at him from certain angles he disappears completely.

"You're in pain," his voice carries on the wind and twists around my head.

I sigh. I'm so incredibly tired. I've been in pain all my life, it feels like.

"It takes a lot of...to appear...here," some of his words come out too garbled and his spirit fades in and out a bit. "But...had to help..."

"Help who?" I ask softly, moderately confused.

"You." his spirit comes closer, bringing his cold air with him, "Let me go, Derek."

A feeling wells up in my chest. I spent so much time trying to protect Stiles, and he dies protecting me. How can I just let go of that?


	5. Epilogue

It's a month as of today that Stiles took a bullet for Derek in these very woods.

He hasn't forgotten Stiles, but he has let him go. Stiles is always in the back of his head; not as a sorrow filled reminder of how everything Derek touches dies, but as a happy reminder of what once was. Of how Stiles used to run his fingers through his hair to calm him down when he was having a nightmare. Or how Stiles would just smile if Derek was getting really annoyed with him.

Yes, Derek still had a hole in his heart where a hyper-active teenage boy used to be, but Derek's heart was full of holes, and he was used to coping by now. And to tell you the truth, he couldn't focus on Stiles right now. He had a new group of hunters to kill.


End file.
